dailies
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
10:02 PM
Lost my job last thurs.
It was a shock because they only told me 5.30 pm when I was knocking off.
No more money. =(
Going for TPJ's choir concert tomorrow at VCH.
It's so deja vu.
I can still remember last year's one so clearly. It seems like it only happened just a month ago.
I have been procrastinating with my acceptance.
I think because I don't really want to go back to school.
This transition period is really the nicest after all.
You get to bum around without any feeling of guilt, because the exams and jc are over, and you have some kind of comfortably assured future far off waiting.
You'll never get this period anymore.
After the next graduation bumming at home just means you're jobless and penniless and a burden to the parents.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
6:44 PM
I feel like such an idiot.
I really don't know what I want to do in life.
I know I like to draw, but that's about it.
SMU granted me a study award, so the interviewers weren't just being kind as I thought after all.
I would like to feel happy, but it's just the wrong university!!
I'm utterly confused, don't know where to go.
I would like to save my mom $20 000, and she's pushing me to go SMU because she feels that pure arts is impractical, and of course she will have so much more funds left for my brothers and all but I don't see what's so great over at SMU's SS curriculum.
So to save myself out of the mess I decided okay shall aim for political science in NUS, secondly history.
Useful right?
More 'useful' than eng lit anyway.
But the money is really staring me in the face and I can't ignore it.
I said I would seriously consider SMU if they gave me such an award thing and it has actually happened.
UGGHHHH
What I'd like right now is for someone to choose for me in such a way that I irreversibly have to go to the university picked.
Drats! So little time left to watch Goong.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
11:29 PM
I feel like...I really don't know anyone anymore.
I'm suddenly very much out of place.
I don't know what to say to people I meet, I don't know what to tell them.
Usually I really have nothing to tell, and that makes me a dull companion.
I don't know what to ask anymore.
Am I always asking the wrong questions?
Everyone's changing.
I can't keep up.
I'm too tired to keep up any longer.
I've really really been trying very hard all this time for so long.
I'm changing too, but like Monica said, you end up changing differently from your friends once you're apart from them.
I don't know what to do.
11:01 PM
Just last Wed I was happily babbling about all the free time I would have now that I was jobless.
Come Fri Rebecca needed me again to type addresses.
And then the HR lady dropped her bombshell that I would be rehired for the next 2 months.
So on Monday it was back to work.
This is the second time and I'm sick of feeling completely let down.
Thank goodness for labour day, although it was full of labour for me.
Tuesday is house-cleaning day and my mother went full out this time.
Helped her refill the bean bag chair while watching goong amongst other things.
Had to re-watch half of the first 12 episodes because I had forgotten everything down to the names.
Yes very very lame.
I'm quite determined to finish it by the end of next week now that my interest in it has been revived.
I love their songs.
I dread work tomorrow.
On Monday I had to take half day because the publications side which re-hired me weren't around at all to brief me.
Tomorrow I'm quite afraid it'll be the same.
It'll be an utter waste of time sitting and waiting for them to come and tell me what they need me to do.
Worst of all I sit in the aisle seat where all the execs walk past and stare at me
every single time.
I can't read, I couldn't even surf Yahoo without them looking when I had free time during the previous job.
I feel like putting up a sign explaining my situation.
I hope the 2 months is an exaggeration.
Except for the first 3 months in the Academy when I worked under CONP, the time span they needed me for usually was a great exaggeration.
I'm sure I can finish most tasks very quickly to add to that.
Hopefully I'll be an unemployed bum once more.
I'm just tired.
I'm learning that money is all very well and good, and work is great in that it keeps you from brooding and dwelling on problems, and takes away boredom,
but none of this ever makes up for lack of time for myself.
Is that selfish?
But I have many things I want to chase after too.
Money will always just be the means and tool to getting somewhere.